EastEnders star Lacey Turner has opened up about motherhood and the incredibly emotional journey she went on to become a mum-of-three.
The Stacey Slater actress recently gave birth to a little girl called Gipsy Olive and she also has a son and a daughter with husband Matt Kay, who she met when she was 15.
But before welcoming their three children, Lacey suffered two miscarriages, the first happening when she was 29.
Recalling the time her and Matt decided to have kids, she told the Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast: “We tried for so long and it just didn’t happen and I thought okay, I didn’t realise it was such a small window, you just don’t really think about that.
“And then I started to have miscarriages and that’s when you go… I remember the first one, it was just terrible. I remember laying on the bed and I was just uncontrollably sobbing.
“But I had this weird thing like, ‘Why are you crying? Why are you so sad for something you didn’t know? Something that is barely there.’ I think actually the part of it is the shock of, ‘This is actually happening to me.’”
Lacey, now 37, soon realised miscarriage was a taboo subject, describing how nobody talked about it.
She had to Google what had happened to her and described a lack of support about what to do next.
And articulating the pain of miscarriage, something she has made a point of being transparent about ever since to help others, she said: “I think that was made me so sad… I thought, ‘Well, I’m not going to have this baby. And I’m not going to put this baby in this lovely pram.
“And I’m not going to have that picture walking out of the hospital.’ It is all the things you associate with having a baby, your first baby, all the things you are excited for. The first outfit, it all sort of went…”
Lacey had a second miscarriage before giving birth to Dusty in July 2019 before her son Trilby arrived two years later.
And she then had little Gipsy Olive at the start of this year before returning to Eastenders just weeks later to feature in the live episode for the 40th anniversary.
In a candid discussion, she shared that the trauma of miscarriage resulted in her not enjoying pregnancy.
“It was terrifying and it did take away the excitement of being pregnant,” she said.
“Even with Gipsy, my mum would say, ‘Can we buy stuff now?’ It would be like 34 weeks, well no you can’t, didn’t buy anything, didn’t have anything.”
She added: “The third time it was easier, I still didn’t buy anything. I made up these superstitions in my head that became really massive. Like if I brought the pram in the house, the baby would die, or whatever it was.”
Lacey revealed she had a pregnancy scan every two weeks because she wanted to know there was still a heartbeat and that the baby was growing at the right rate.
Explaining why, she concluded: “I was so terrified of losing it. And I never wanted to go back to that place and feel how I felt then.”
In January, Lacey shared a picture of her tot wearing a cardigan with the name “Gipsy” on the back.
And after giving birth for a third time, she wrote: “Our hearts are full.”
If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at childbereavementuk.org or you can call them on 0800 02 888 40.
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