She kickstarted her TV career with a brief stint on Made In Chelsea in 2012-13, but these days, Ashley James has taken on a new role – of campaigner and advocate for everything from women’s rights to parenting issues. A regular guest on This Morning, the former model isn’t afraid to debate with those she disagrees with, such as sex worker Bonnie Blue, who she took on in a heated on-air discussion a few months ago.
As the 38-year-old TV personality readily admits in an exclusive chat with OK!, she can find it “hard to switch off” from fighting the good fight, but she says she’s motivated by her two children, Alfie, four, and Ada, two, to achieve the kind of societal changes that will make their lives easier.
Hi, Ashley! How’s life treating you at the moment?
It’s hectic. I feel like as a couple [she’s been in a relationship with partner Tommy Andrews for more than five years], our whole life is just about logistics. There’s so much scaremongering around having toddlers, but I do love the toddler stage. Personally, I’d take toddlers over babies any day. Hearing Ada’s voice and having that interaction is amazing. And Alfie’s at that age where the world is literally magical. He’s having real-life conversations about what he wants to be when he grows up.
As a parent, what did you make of the Netflix drama Adolescence and the conversations it sparked?
The way they tackled the subject is phenomenal, showing a normal family. Any time an atrocity happens, especially when it’s a young man, people say “Oh, he was such a nice boy!” We still want to believe that men or boys who harm women are monsters. They’re not, they’re someone’s brother, son, mate… I’m so glad everyone’s talking about a very real threat. But it’s a shame it takes a fictional drama for people to want to make change.
Positive things are coming from it, at least…
Absolutely. It’s frustrating that people say there are no positive male role models. That’s why people turn to Andrew Tate. It’s a cop out. It does a disservice to so many men. Look at Jamie Laing or the singer Sam Fender – there are so many good men. The root cause of the problem is sexism. Those people might have been stopped had they been told, “You can’t say that.” Women can’t do it on their own, they need men to call people out on their WhatsApp chats or on boozy nights out about how they talk about women. As for anyone who follows Andrew Tate? They should be on a watchlist. He’s an extremist.
You live such a busy life. How do you keep healthy?
The biggest thing I’m learning is how important nourishing your body is. Understanding that strength training and weights help us prevent breaking bones in our old age. But the focus is still on starving ourselves instead of nourishing and moving. I see the way Ada and Alfie look at themselves in the mirror and I don’t want the world to teach them that they’re not enough. We’re born feeling enough, but then we hear otherwise.
You’re passionate about many subjects – do you ever find it hard to switch off?
I do find it hard. But we’re in such uncertain times, this is not the time to be silent. I used to say my drive was trying to think about what teenage Ashley would want. Now it’s thinking, what world do I want my kids to grow up in? Another problem is people always say, “Oh, it’s so hard to raise girls.” It’s not. And now we’re seeing the consequence of people thinking that it’s not hard to raise boys because now they’re not accountable for their actions. I have different concerns for Ada and Alfie – I’m trying to raise them so they both feel confident and respectful of others.
What everyday things do you find joy in?
The small things. Sometimes it’s OK to dip out of the bigger picture and live in the moment. I’m quite weird actually, as parents go, I really love going to soft play. I must be the only person that really enjoys it – and going with them to birthday parties or the playground. Anything that I loved doing as a child is the perfect antidote to the stresses of the world for me.
You’re involved in a campaign with iron supplements company Active Iron…
I felt totally exhausted and thought, “Well, I’m a mum, of course I am – I’m not sleeping.” But since having Ada, who’s two now, my periods have been heavy and painful, and I’ve been brushed off a lot. This year I thought, “It’s time to get my body into a healthier position.” I had a blood test and found out I had low iron. I’ve learnt that around 30% of women experience lower iron and I bet so many of us just push through.
Is taking supplements helping?
When I found out I needed iron supplements, that was a whole other headache because I have other postnatal issues such as piles. I had a prolapse and I didn’t want to take a supplement that could make that situation worse. But it’s been amazing because it comes without symptoms like constipation. I’ve noticed such a difference in energy and haven’t had any of the horrible symptoms I was worried about.
Why are conversations about periods still so important?
Growing up, it was a case of having to hide tampons. I went to school in a tiny village with one shop to buy period products. We’d stand guard if one of our friends went in to buy period products so we could see if any boys were coming over – that was our biggest fear. On a broader level, I want to talk about periods as there’s still a stigma and girls and women feel it’s something shameful.
Do you still have moments when you feel that?
Yes! On a plane the other day, I started my period up in the air and leaked through my trousers. I was like, “How the hell am I meant to get from my seat to the loo without anyone noticing?” We still carry this shame for something that’s the reason every person on this planet is here in the first place.
Active Iron is calling on women to speak up about menstrual fatigue. Learn more and find support at activeiron.com/uk
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