Some celebs are born with an inexplicable innate likeability: Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon, and, er, Bradley Walsh (going by the amount of shows he’s on…..). And then there’s some who are a little more – um, let’s say – misunderstood. For they’ve been born with an inexplicable innate inability to read a room.
One such victim of this fate is, of course… the Duchess of Sussex and the Queen of PR Fails, Meghan Formerly-Known-As-Markle. This week she took to her new podcast, Confessions of a Female Flounder, sorry, Founder, to shockingly claim her As Ever range was both “accessible” and “affordable.” What she negated to say was: “accessible and affordable if your hubby’s a multi-millionaire.” For call me picky, but an £11 jam and a £21.60 honey are a Lidl bit rich for a budget supermarket shopper like me. And that’s even before I taste them.
There is one thing I’m looking forward to though: Aldi’s ever-inspired own-brand version. We’ve already seen their marketing genius with Titan bars (similar to a Mars bar but named after the famous moon), a delicious take on Dr Pepper (Professor Peppy) and the infamous Cuthbert the Caterpillar who gave M&S’s Colin a shuffle for his money. So what could they come up with ‘inspired’ by As Ever food range?
“As Never” maybe? “Class? Never!” perhaps? Or, I know! Maybe something to reflect the wider British feeling towards them post-Megxit? A phrase that more accurately encapsulates people’s reaction on hearing about the Sussexes latest endeavours: “WHAT-EVER”.
Meghan’s little snafu pales next to Patek Phillippe’s insensitive bragging this week. For humble and grounded, he is not. Yes, in order to brag about his £100,000 football punditry skills watch, he decided to post this picture of his Tuesday night out on Instagram, simultaneously showing off his whopping restaurant bill.
At first glance 139,700 seems insane, even for his party of 10. A little detective work however suggests he’s in Dubai. But even after the currency conversion, that’s still a gut-punching bill of £29,372….AFTER his 45 % DISCOUNT. For the maths buffs amongst us that’s £2,937 a head, aka the equivalent of 413 Big mac meal deals, 3,494.2 Mars bars, or even 270 pots of Meg’s pricey jam.
So what was one of Conor’s priciest dishes? A £104 Lobster fettuccine aka… a £104 bowl of seafood pasta. Wow. Wow. WOW. Well done Conor. You’ve knocked me for six – without even throwing a punch.
King Charles and Queen Camilla may have been enjoying their Roman Holiday this week – but it was Wills who enjoyed the biggest break from normal duties. For the Prince of Wales forgot his traditional Royal patter when he met TNT Rio Ferdinand and Ally McCoist on Wednesday…. and decided to show off his Aston Villa vs Paris Saint-Germain instead.
“We all saw the Liverpool game,” began Wills when asked ahead of the other broadcaster match. “PSG’s intensity, in the first leg, they were unbelievable. They gave a lot of pressure, they press very high. So for Unai tonight, it’s about managing that press.”
Full transparency – I can’t exactly claim to be “an expert”* on the “beautiful game” (* ie. my knowledge is based solely on Ted Lasso). But even I can tell Wills is talking about something impressive and strategy-based – not the need to tackle mouthy sports reporters. Meanwhile those who do know their nutmegs from their free kicks, were even more surprised than me – as fans began raving about his commentary skills on social media and Rio even joked he could be out of a job.
In reality, the former England captain probably won’t get his P45 quite yet – but his little quip may give a certain Gary Lineker on Match of The Day a royally good idea.
Yes: 1. The BBC’s Royal Charter is up for renewal the year after next. AND…. 2. The Beeb desperately need ONE BIG name to replace three so-so rotating hosts (instead of those The Apprentice Interview Round they’ve planned). So how about…. killing two birds with one sloane?
After all, whatever princely sum Wills demands….It’ll still be far less than the king’s ransom they paid Gary.
They say “you’ve always got to back yourself”. Or at least love islanders and wellness Influencers do. But one star of The Apprentice may have taken this advice from the ‘participation trophy/snowflake/everyone’s a winner’ generation a little too far.
Because, yes, it was that piece of television gold this week that is…. BBC One series . For those who have never seen this annual visual delight, it’s the episode inAmber-Rose Badrudi’s overconfident faux paswhen Lord Sugar’s cocksure final five candidates finally get a dressing down of their rampant egos. Their business plans and CVs are examined by some of the country’s toughest industry execs – and there’s more grilling than in an entire series of Masterchef.
Cue every little half truth, exaggeration, or dodgy bit of budgeting the candidates have tried to get away with is suddenly exposed – not just to Lord Sugar but to the entire country….AND the Internet, aka, all future employers. So, why, oh why, oh why, do the cream of the crop of “UK’s brightest business minds” – the final five of this illustrious contest – still make the same rookie mistakes series after series? In recent years there’s been a few ever-present classic gaffes: forgetting to buy the website domain name for their business, naming themselves after an existing brand or overspinning their experience to a ludicrous degree.
But Hollywood icon Mickey Rourke s on Thursday might be the best one yet. For she also added a little white lie to her CV…. “Winner of The Apprentice 2025”. Yes, she brazenly claimed to have WON the show on the very CV that was about to be judged in the SEMI-FINAL round. So, I think we can all guess what happened when it came to the firings. Yup. There’s a subtle difference between “backing yourself” and “backing yourself into a corner….of the waiting black cab”.
No! no! no! no! no! Just NO! Yes, this is the one time Mickey upset Dance Moms’ Jojo Siwadoing something truly terrifying, unimaginable, horrific and appalling….Something so truly gross my stomach is cavorting at the mere sight of it.
He’s brushing his teeth….In the kitchen sink. Over the dirty dishes. And this, my dearest readers, is why I’m glad I live alone.
Yup, Celebrity Big Brother came back onto screens last Monday and by the time of the first eviction it had already given us hours of such “entertainment”.
For those who are a bit time-short, here’s a quick recap: polyamorous Michael Fabricant with alleged homophobic comments, Mickey upset everyone by being – well – icky Mickey, Patsy Palmer shocked (some) fans by revealing her real name is actually Julie, Trisha Goddard had us all in tears over her cancer treatment, Chesney Hawkes is still trying to prove he’s the One and Only, everyone turned on Jack P Shepherd and President Trumptook reality TV to a new bum note.
Still he’s not the only blonde-mopped politician making an a**e of himself this week. his tariff misfire played a dangerous game of Jenga with the world economy thanks to Boris Johnson. Meanwhile Boris Johnson got a cheeky peck from a mystery bird – much to his wife’s horror….Fortunately for Carrie, this time it’s unlikely to result in any lovechild claims:
What do you think? Have you seen any funny celeb tweets? Or something on TV that really raised an eyebrow? Let me know in the comments or via @JessicaBoulton on X / Instagram
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